Quotes by Dave Barry

About Dave Barry:

David McAlister "Dave" Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Dave Barry

Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.

Dave Barry

I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many r...

Dave Barry

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progres...

Dave Barry

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Dave Barry

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

Dave Barry

We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how

Dave Barry

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.

Dave Barry

Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?" This translates roughly to: "How the hell did these people win the Cold War?

Dave Barry

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

Dave Barry

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Dave Barry

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Dave Barry

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)

Dave Barry

The reason is that you eat too many foods that are high in "calories," which are little units that measure how good a particular food tastes. Fudge, for example, has a great many calories, whereas celery, which is not really a food at all but a membe...

Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Dave Barry

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

Dave Barry

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Dave Barry

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Dave Barry

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Dave Barry

Author Bio

  • NameDave Barry
  • DescriptionAmerican writer
  • BornJuly 3, 1947
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionWriter; Novelist