About Rodney Dangerfield:
Rodney Dangerfield is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Life's a short trip. You'll find out.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.