Quotes by George Carlin

About George Carlin:

George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

George Carlin

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

George Carlin

It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Remember this, George, the birds fuck the bees.' Then he told me he once banged a girl so hard her freckles came off.

George Carlin

My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!

George Carlin

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

George Carlin

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

George Carlin

The decay and disintegration of this culture is astonishingly amusing if you are emotionally detached from it. I have always viewed it from a safe distance, knowing I don't belong; it doesn't include me, and it never has. no matter how you care to de...

George Carlin

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

George Carlin

Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' D...

George Carlin

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely...

George Carlin

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

George Carlin

You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.

George Carlin

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Relig...

George Carlin

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

George Carlin

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure ind...

George Carlin

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

George Carlin

I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. T...

George Carlin

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

George Carlin

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.

George Carlin

Author Bio

  • NameGeorge Carlin
  • DescriptionAmerican stand-up comedian
  • AliasesGeorge Denis Patrick Carlin
  • BornMay 12, 1937
  • DiedJune 22, 2008
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Television Actor; Film Actor; Comedian; Television Presenter; Writer; Voice Actor; Radio Host; Stand-up Comic