As I was wheeled into the operating room I pleaded with God for one more day, one more week, one more month with her.
Some part of me broke in prayer that morning, and some part of me was reborn as I gave myself fully and completely to prayer and to God in that moment.
In that moment, I welcomed back the light and let go of the fear, the feelings of unworthiness, the past, the loss, the wallowing, the grief and the anger. I let go of the illusion of control in our losses, of our afflictions.
Finding her meant that I could move forward unabashedly, without fear of rejection, without the endless need for acceptance from my husband or from anyone else. My worth was decided by me, now.